UniDiary Day 26: Am I Too Confident?

Confident
Another song about the weekend:

Have a brief recap of my adventures in Swindon, before I get on with today’s UniDiary!

After the bus breakdown on Friday, my weekend was off to a terrible start. Luckily, it picked up early on Saturday morning, because it was free Halloween comic book day! I forgot to take pictures of my haul before I came back to Hatfield, but I’ll show you them one day. (I also forgot to take the promised pictures of Friday’s book haul… Oh well!). Sparky the Weatherdog was meeting fans, an artist was drawing and there was a table of free sweets. It couldn’t have been much better.

After grabbing the free comics, I dragged my boyfriend and my friend to get free books with me. At least free was the theme of the day, or it would have been a lot less fun! There’s a charity shop in Swindon called The Gate, who allow you to take three books free every time you visit. I haven’t been there since I moved away, but thought I’d snoop around and see if they had anything good. Grabbing a couple of teen books and a crime book, it was worth the visit.

On Sunday, we played Dungeons and Dragons in the Wetherspoons, before my friend’s car was locked in the car park overnight. That was more than a little bit stressful for all of us! It was a relief to hear from him this morning. He had his car back before he started work.

I’ve said it once before, but it bears repeating now:

I travelled back to Hatfield this morning. My boyfriend made a joke about the fact that my life is travelling. It makes me sad that that’s true. I used to LOVE travelling: sitting down for a few hours, getting to read without distractions… However, my life is filled with movement now. Even a brief journey exhausts me. For the past five hours I’ve been struggling with a headache. Somehow, I’ve managed to stay awake (and vaguely productive). It’s just disheartening that I feel dreadful every time I travel. It’s like getting jetlag, but after travelling two hours across the same country. I’m not even going anywhere exotic!

I was grateful that I only had one lesson today, because I needed to make time for grocery shopping. On Friday, I emptied my fridge and my cupboard, finishing all of my food so it wouldn’t go off over the weekend. But I knew I needed to eat today, so it wasn’t a trip that I could procrastinate.

But that one lesson was Engaging With The Humanities, and I’ve told you before that I don’t exactly enjoy it. This week was even worse. We watched a 20-minute TED talk on self-compassion. Including mindfulness. *dry heaving*

I’m not a fan of mindfulness. In my opinion, it’s an easy way for a psychiatrist to avoid doing any work. You walk in, you sit down for an appointment, and within five minutes you’re being sent away. “Try mindfulness,” they say. “Here’s a worksheet, and you can take one of these local courses”. Yes, because when you’re depressed you’re obviously functioning well enough to be able to self-motivate. Round of applause for whoever came up with that treatment plan.

But a LOT of the video wasn’t applicable to me. It got me thinking: Am I too confident?

C-O-N-F-I-D-E-N-T! CONFIDENT!:

Not like, THAT level of confident. I still get anxious when I have to go to publishing events, and I struggle with any form of confrontation. I’m not going to be a cheerleader any time soon.

But I’m comfortable in myself. I can’t be bothered to put make-up on or dress up, because I don’t care what people think of me. As long as I’m wearing appropriate, comfortable clothes, that’s all that matters to me. So what if I have spots? So do most people! And if my hair’s a little blown about by the wind? Well, that’s what happens when you live in England.

Sadly, the TED talk was part of a women’s conference. Because of that, the speaker focused A LOT on the fact that women have less confidence. Girls start judging their appearances earlier than boys. Women are more compassionate than men, but need to be compassionate to themselves. Groan.

It certainly didn’t seem like an appropriate talk to show to a mixed selection of students. Particularly because the speaker started using her autistic son as the reason that she harnessed her self-compassion skills! My friend is autistic, and that made her really angry. Surely, there should have been some kind of consideration towards the backgrounds of the students who would be present?

Do I just feel this way because I’m a mature student? I spoke to a couple of other students afterwards – both also mature – and they were as derogatory towards the video as I was. Maybe there’s just a certain level of confidence that you gain with life experience, something that a lot of students don’t yet have. Or maybe I’m just cocky as hell. (Yeah, probably that!).