Do you know what time it is? Yep, it’s time for our New Zealand travel expert to lend us some more life advice:
PROS AND CONS: Hostel bunks
It’s not for everyone, but I myself love a good barracks-style hostel. Whenever I check into a hostel there are always four questions I find myself asking; 1) “Are the showers properly functioning?”, 2) “Can the WiFi handle Spotify at the very least?”, 3) “Am I going to get penetrated (by knife or by cock) in my sleep?” and, perhaps more pertinent to this particular entry in my blogging resume, 4) “Should my final resting place be on the top bunk or the bottom bunk?”.
Some nights you might not have to process a choice as only one bunk will be available. However, there might be a time where you find yourself with both top and bottom spare.
Oh! What a conundrum!
Well ponder not, my conforming progenies. I have devised a list of pros and cons so that you can proceed to conclude your decision.
- You have an uncensored view of the entire hostel room, leading to more social situations and less confusion upon waking up from an unintended nap.
- Nothing will fall on you (other than the ceiling, and should that start to fall you were doomed to start with).
- It feels cooler. Like surfer dude at a radical festival cool.
- It’s less cramped; perfect for claustrophobics.
- You will be asking for favours a lot; mostly “Hey can you pass me my charger/laptop/alcoholic beverage?”
- If you need a night-time wee it is incredibly difficult to ninja down the stairs without waking someone.
- If the occupants below you are “in the mood” you just have to lay there and wait for it to be over, or awkward turtle down the stairs and out the room.
- If you are “in the mood” there are very few places to be unseen. You’re basically a pornographic film recorded in front of a live studio audience.
- If someone comes in late from a party or whatever and they turn on the light, there’s no hiding from that horrific alarm clock.
- Plugs are almost always within reach, thus your electronics are available with very little effort.
- A well-placed towel makes for good privacy during the baby-making procedure, or while you’re mastering the Han Solo technique.
- Less hassle if you need to rise in the middle of the night. No one likes the squeaky ladder bandit.
- If it’s hot and humid (hi, Cairns) you will be in the spot where the fan can reach you immediately.
- You will ALWAYS hit your head in the mornings. Every. Damn. Time.
- Gravity is not on your side should the top occupant lose his grip on something. I hope you enjoy getting a face full of sock, cause I didn’t.
- You will feel a bit lonely or left out if the person above you is heavily involved in the hostel conversation.
- You can’t literally jump off the bed in the morning like a total badarse, and that upsets and annoys me.
I hope that’s helped. I personally have a Pro and Con that are common regardless on whether you’re a top or a bottom.
The con? I’m from an earthquake-prone country. Just last November we had a magnitude 7.8 (read: HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT WE’RE GOING TO DIE) that decimated the roads, the infrastructure and all the wine at the supermarket. If someone moves in their sleep, the resulting shockwave through the bunk beds will have me waking up and reaching immediately for my emergency survival kit.
The pro? Simply put, I’m travelling. I love this life.